A Belief in a Higher Power

 So I have been in recovery for three years, well, actually five if you count two years of relapsing. One of the hardest things for me to come to grips with in the particular path I chose was a belief in a higher power, a power greater than myself who is supposed to restore me to sanity. 

And yes, I was put off at first at the mention of my sanity because I couldn't see anything wrong with ME!  And that was my problem. I was playing the victim in my life at all times, and if that doesn't reek of mental health disturbance I don't know what does. Eventually, when I couldn't stay sober I had to remember the old saying, how does it go?... Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Well I was had. I knew I needed some help in the sanity department, but what about the God problem?

In case you don't know, the Twelve Step recovery programs basically require you to believe in a God of your own understanding. But what does that even mean? The only God I ever knew was beyond my understanding at all, and on its best day was a cruel jerk, responsible for all of the misery in the world and especially in my life. See, there I go again, the victim.

Let's just say I wasn't really in the mood to believe but, I have to say, eventually my sponsor wore be down and I conceded a little. I became willing to Invent my own concept of the God of Recovery, I called it, and I gave it my own set of attributes. And that's because another friend told me to do specifically that.

I'll get into the details of those attributes in a future post. But for now let's suspend disbelief and get into the nitty gritty of the matter.... What would a higher power tell me about my social anxiety if I could ask it.....let me see what I can come up with.

I'll offer a compassionate and reflective response that addresses social anxiety from a spiritual perspective:

The divine perspective on social anxiety might be one of profound compassion, understanding, and love. If God were to speak directly to me about my social anxiety, the message would likely center on a few key themes:

1. You Are Deeply Valued: God would want me to understand that my worth is not determined by social performance or others' perceptions. My inherent value comes from simply being - I am loved unconditionally, precisely as I am in this moment, anxiety and all.

2. Fear Is Not Your Identity: Social anxiety may feel overwhelming, but it does not define me. There's a spiritual invitation to recognize that fear is something I experience, not something I am. The divine perspective sees beyond my current struggles to your potential and intrinsic strength.

3. Gentleness Matters: Just as I would show compassion to someone else struggling, God would encourage me to treat myself with the same gentleness. My anxiety is not a weakness, but a part of your human experience that deserves tender understanding.

4. Courage Is Not the Absence of Fear: True courage isn't about never feeling anxious, but about moving forward despite feeling anxious. Each small step I take, each moment I face social situations, is an act of profound bravery.

5. Connection is Healing: While social anxiety can make connection feel terrifying, the divine perspective sees human connection as fundamentally healing. I'm not alone in this struggle, and there are supportive people who can walk alongside me.

The message from a God of my understanding would ultimately be one of hope: My social anxiety does not limit my capacity for growth, love, and meaningful relationships. I am stronger than my fears, more resilient than my anxious thoughts, and deeply, unconditionally loved exactly as I am in this moment.

I don't take a single day for granted. I know tomorrow is not promised.